by There are some situations from the past, that we may not remember, that can explain our ways of relating in the long term. In this way, there are certain signs that we must be alert to, which can trigger an unhealthy bond and affect our emotional well-being.
Relationship, bond, love, health. Photo Unsplash.
The humans are social beings that we need to bond with others because our brain so he asks: we need to learn to live with others, to feel equal and at the same time different. In that sense, our experiences of the childhood They play a very important role and will determine our behaviors to future.
In any case, it is very important to grasp the difference between the need for socializewhich is something that is in our essence, and, on the other hand, the need of a person to live. The latter is usually a serious mistakesince we were all born complete and have thoughts That’s how obsessive they are, a call from alert.
Our childhood experiences will determine our behavior in the future. Photo Unsplash.
That is why there are some people who may be more prone to suffer from “need of the other” and generate toxic links. Its explanation may be in the past, and also be associated with a concept called emotional attachment. Although this is something normal that occurs in the first years of life, it can end up generating emotional dependence and that’s where it becomes a problem.
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Emotional attachment in childhood: how does it impact adult life?
He attachment it’s a emotional bond that is established during the first years of life between a child and its caregivers. Its main function is to provide child safety in situations of insecurity, threat, relationship with others either explore what surrounds them.
“He emotional attachment It is necessary, especially in the childhood, because it is what allows us to create links“, Explain Fiorella D’amico, psychologist specialist in Systemic Clinic (MN 71532) to Channel 26. To which he adds: “The problem appears with the emotional dependencewhich is what generates us suffering. This may appear because we have not learned to tolerate suffering or to go through complex situations that come along the path of the life”.
Attachment is an emotional bond that is established during the first years of life between a child and his or her caregivers. Photo Unsplash.
He attachment It is classified into two large groups. On the one hand, there is the “secure attachment” that appears thanks to a comfort in close relationships, and as a consequence of this, people learn to manage their emotionstheir discomfort either complex situations. On the other hand, there is the “insecure attachment” that can cause a person to “find difficultiesnot only to regulate their emotions, but also to generate self-confidence and in the links with others,” details the graduate. This is where the emotional dependence.
These childhood experiences can build a style of insecure attachment throughout the development of our lives and “lead us to dysfunctional bonds either “toxic relationships”. This is what makes many times “the person who has emotional dependence normalize this way of relating and not knowing that there are other ways of relating that are much more healthy“, expands the specialist.
So, that condition is what generates in the future that “we cannot abandon a bond with your partner, with people, with your family, with an idea, with an object, whether for fear to the changefor fear of lonelinessfor a lot of reasons and even problems of self-esteem“. Regardless of the reason, the emotional dependence In the couple it is a problem that comes along with a demand for “excess company, jealousy or extremely demanding expectations,” he adds.
Emotional dependence usually generates a lack of self-esteem. Photo Unsplash.
In that sense, Fiorella D’amico warns that we must be very attentive if that bond means all For us, it takes up all the space in our mind, all our energy and it is absolutely ours priority. A call for attention because “if there is something that take up so muchthere is no space for us, there is no space for one.”
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The emotional dependence starts from “a irrational belief that this bond somehow it’s going to assure us determining, unique and permanent, pleasure, security and happiness“adds the psychologist. Therefore, whoever suffers from this need will be convinced that without that relationship it is impossible to be happy.
If there is something that takes up so much space in our minds, there is no space for us. Photo Unsplash.
It is common to disguise the dependence as if love. However, what defines it is not desire or love – the expert assures – but “the inability to resign to that link even though it is harmful both for the mental health and for the general well-being of the person.
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Can you reverse a toxic relationship?
One of the million dollar questions is whether a toxic relationship There is a way back and the answer is that everything always depends on the context. A link can become toxic for different reasons. Now, if that reason is emotional dependencethe probabilities of reversing the situation, as long as there is willpower On both sides, they are extensive.
Regarding treatment, D’amico explains that at first the most important thing is to be able “register, recognize and accept if he bond what we have or what we are building it’s not healthy“and if this, in turn, is generating us “discomfort or insecurities”. In these cases, you must always keep in mind to look for aid to generate a change “is not a synonym for weakness, but for strength”.
If the link means everything to us, it’s a wake-up call. Photo Unsplash.
So the idea is that you can work first with that person who has that irrational needespecially in his self-esteemin order to have spaces for himself and generate above all healthy relationships. The goal should not be to exceed the emotional attachment either emotional dependencebut “learn to manage it”, especially when it is emotional dependence brings to the person “a great discomfort”, concludes the psychologist.
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How do I know if I suffer from emotional dependence?
Some demonstrations that can make evident the emotional dependence are:
- The intense fear of relationship breakup already be alone.
- The recurring attempt to return to a relationship that ended, beyond the cost that this means for the person.
- The need or the excessive request for signs of affection, that reaffirms the feeling that person is supposed to have.
- The changes of plans or behavioral changes in order to satisfy the other person.
- Getting closer or further away from certain people.
- The person feels that everything revolves around that relationship or to that particular person.
- It may appear low self-esteem, self-hatred and self-rejection.
- Is usually postpone personal well-being in order to maintain that relationship.
That is why it is very important that when faced with any of these signs, you ask for help from a health professionalwho will be able to guide you appropriately to look for alternatives and to generate resources and tools that allow you to create a change in your life in favor of your physical and mental well-being.
