by Ana never thought she would end up living a toxic relationship. When she met Javier, everything seemed like a fairy tale: romantic dinners, messages at all hours, incredible gifts and promises of a future together. However, as time went by, things began to change.
The subtle criticism, unfounded jealousy and emotional manipulation They became a constant. Ana felt trapped, but she didn’t understand why she couldn’t leave him. Like Ana, many people find themselves immersed in relationships that damage their emotional well-being. So, Why do we get involved in toxic couples?
According to the psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, writer and academic Jose Abadi to Infobae, “To get involved in toxic couples we have to take into account identification models”.
What does it mean? According to the expert, these are people who grew up in families in which “a toxic modelthat is, a model where the Relationship ―which is intended to feed, to support, to take care of and to grow and to enjoy―, becomes a conditioned relationship of suffering and entrapment”.
Walter Ghedin (MN 74,794), a psychiatrist, psychotherapist and clinical sexologist, agrees with Abadi when he says that “every relationship, especially those with emotional commitment, involves attachment patterns formed in childhoodunder the family and sociocultural model.”
And he adds: “In addition to these base structures that model the links, there are added Personality traits. The most frequent in toxic relationships are those of extraversion: sociability, seduction, dependence on the gaze of others, the need for the environment to cover their gaps, etc. Ghedin adds some advice regarding these traits: “Realizing these relationship models to modify them is healthy.”
For her part, the writer, psychologist, in charge of the podcast Infobae “Love bombing”, Celia Antonini, points out that “a low self-esteema low opinion of ourselves is what leads a person to endure the abuse because he believes that he does not deserve anything better than what he has” and adds that “a person who is in a toxic relationship seeks validation in the love of the couple – being accepted, being loved, being recognized – even at the cost of own well-being”.
Toxic couples often arise from the interaction between two complementary psychological profiles, “those made up of a person with manipulative or directly psychopathic traitsand the other person, with a characteristic of complementarity to the other’s psychopathic condition,” says Abadi.
According to the expert, in these relationships, power dynamics become unbalancedwhich results submission and submission. This imbalance manifests itself in actions rooted in certain psychological patterns.
“The psychopath is an individual who by his very definition has no record of the other, of the need or care of the other, abuses, takes advantage, takes advantage, oppresses or suppresses. And in the complementary profile there is devaluation, a naivety that has to do with helplessness and not taking care of oneself,” explains Abadi.
In this sense, Antonini reinforces this idea when he details specific actions of the person with emotional dependenceprone to getting involved in a toxic relationship:
“They tend to be accommodating and put the needs of the other part of the couple above their own needs, they generally try not to generate any type of conflict and often give in to things that they do not agree to please the other” .
“In toxic relationships there are no healthy agreements, but rather there are conditioning, manipulations and pressures,” Abadi concludes.
Recognizing that we are in a toxic relationship can be a challenge, since the signs often manifest themselves subtly and gradually. Experts point out that some key indicators.
In this regard, Ghedin states that “the signs are more visible, it is just that, in the first encounters, sociability, good disposition, the appearance of emotional commitment, can be misleading signs”.
And he provides specific examples to which we must pay attention: “The appearance of demands, control of actions, emotional instability, depending on the presence or absence of the other, are signs to take into account.” As Ghedin explains, “the common denominator of these signals is the emotional manipulation through exaggerated demands, which goes back to very unequal relationship“One asks and controls and the other must respond to emotional demands.”
What else? The expert details phrases that may appear as alama guidelines to take into account. “You did not call me”; “I saw you online and you didn’t text me back”; “You looked at me and nothing”; “I think you are more interested in others than me, I see it in the photos you upload”; “I don’t like you wearing those clothes,” are some.
Experts agree that the control It is the most obvious pattern and they add that it is important to “listen” to those situations, words or actions that “make noise”, since they have to do with intuition. Antonini adds red flag: excessive jealousydisqualifications, inequality in decision-making and devaluation of personal projects.
Ghedin adds to the list of alarm signals the anxiety about establishing a relationshipasking or offering things when they first meet, signs of selfishness, greed, obsessive rigidity, dominance on a sexual level and not letting the other propose or express their tastes, jealousy, stalking, feeling that the personal freedom is questioned or criticized, these are some signs to take into account.
The doctor Enrique De Rosa Alabaster (MN 63406), psychiatrist, neurologist and sexologist, identifies keys to recognize a toxic partner in a previous note of Infobae and points out that relationships with people considered toxic can be compared to extreme situations.
At the same time, he mentions examples, such as destratus and the everyday microtraumas that, over time, undermine the emotional capacity of the people involved, causing frustration and discomfort. So, pay attention to these signs and Reflecting on your own emotional well-being can be the first step in identifying and getting out of a toxic relationship..
“In toxic couples, it is extremely difficult to let go.whether on the part of one or both people,” says Abadi and gives some strategies to encourage yourself to take the step and get out of a relationship of these characteristics: “It’s not about negotiation, it’s about asking for help, company, an interlocutor who advises, recognizes and respects one’s own intuition and perception.”
“There is no chance of having a healthy relationship with a toxic person, because the toxic person is not willing to change,” says Antonini and adds that the first step to leaving a bond of this style comes from “realizing that you are in a situation.” toxic relationship, that he is suffering abuse.”
For this reason, experts provide five keys to getting out of toxic relationships:
- Recognize the problem. The first step to getting out of a toxic relationship is to accept and recognize that the relationship is harmful. Observing behavioral patterns and admitting that they are negatively affecting your emotional and mental well-being is crucial.
- Seek support. Talk to friends, family, or a trusted therapist. Sharing your experiences and feelings with someone who can offer objective perspective and emotional support can help you make decisions more clearly.
- Set limits. Define your personal boundaries and communicate them clearly. Don’t allow manipulative or abusive behavior, and be sure to keep your own needs and desires at the forefront.
- Strengthen self-esteem. Work on improving your self-esteem and self-worth. Participate in activities that make you feel good, look for hobbies that you enjoy, and surround yourself with positive people who boost your self-confidence.
- Plan a safe exit. If you decide to end the relationship, make a careful and safe plan. Make sure you have the necessary support and take steps to protect your physical and emotional well-being during the separation process.
