Upbringing, routine, the tensions of everyday life, even infidelity, are reasons that jeopardize that “happily ever after.” More and more couples decide to go to therapy, a process led by an expert psychologist, in search of useful tools to resolve your conflicts.
And far from the view that it is something that is seen in movies or series, it is becoming more and more common that couples see in therapy a way to close the cracks that are undermining the stability of your relationship.
“Before, couples therapy was seen more as something typical of movies, but the truth is that more and more people are coming,” he says. Camino Rodríguez, health psychologist, sexologist and EMDR therapist. “The usual thing,” she continues, “is that one of the two takes the step and also that they have been considering it for some time before deciding.”
Eight out of ten couples who go to therapy do so after frequent arguments over their children
“More and more couples are asking for professional help when they are not able to solve their problems,” corroborates Vanesa Hernandez Santos, CEO of Norba Psychologists. “The reasons are very diverse, but the common factor is the wear and tear in the relationship, either due to the birth and raising of children, family or work problems, infidelity or unresolved conflicts,” he points out.
Camino Rodríguez, for his part, points out three main reasons. “Infidelity, bad coexistence and difficulties on the sexual level”, but, obviously, “they are not separated”: “If in the emotional level we are wrong, sexuality is usually affected”.
Roberto Anton Santiago, president of the Association of Family Therapy and Mediation of Galicia (ATFMG) and professor at the International University of Valencia, also agrees that “it is increasingly common for couples to go to therapy to try to resolve their relationship difficulties; Most of the requests for help in this regard are related to trust issues in the other person”.
“Relationships are,” in his view, “a source of balance when they are going well, but they can destabilize us emotionally when we are not having a good time, which is why it is common and natural for people to ask for help when discrepancies arise.” in these important relationships in our lives.” “Trust problems can emerge in different ways: jealousy, control, inhibition of certain behaviors so as not to provoke the other person, infidelity, communication problems… When they appear, they tend to undermine the relationship and put it in danger,” he indicates, while He emphasizes that “other frequent situations have to do with difficulties in managing conflicts.”
“Nowadays there is less hesitation about going to therapy, there is more knowledge about its benefits and they trust more that a professional can help them. Furthermore, in recent years the couples who request this service have become younger and younger,” emphasizes Vanesa Hernández. Roberto Antón agrees: “Nowadays it is more natural and more normalized. I think it has to do with the results that can be obtained with these treatments, since in a short period of time and in a few sessions you can obtain results and unblock situations that, a priori, seemed unsolvable.”
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How do these types of therapies work? “First of all, a assessment of the couple, what difficulties they have at the current moment and what have been the reasons that have made them ask for help. It is also important to explore the couple’s story, What problems have they overcome, how have they done it, what resources do they have to face complicated situations. Many times, behind the present discomfort there are resentments due to past situations that were left unresolved. In the therapy sessions, a space is opened where they can express themselves freely and in which healthy communication is encouraged, aspects that, together with the guidance of the therapist, allow them to take the couple’s relationship to the point they want,” says the CEO of Norba Psychologists.
“The action is personalized, but the most common thing has to do with addressing negotiation processes,” describes Roberto Antón. “Being in a relationship is not easy because we are constantly changing. and What worked in the past may not work now. because each of the members changes and has unique and different needs, that is why it is necessary to have flexibility and understand that relationships change because the people who make it up change,” he maintains: “The key is to try to reach possible solutions where the different members feel comfortable. Sometimes you may have to give up one part and sometimes the other; But progress in this process is one of the keys to success.”
Camino Rodríguez has a first session with the two members of the couple and then “meets each one separately.” Afterwards, it is established “whether the therapy is viable or not.” In therapy, “Although we do a bit of mediation, we do not play the role of judge”he emphasizes.
“Unfortunately, and it is a common impression among couples therapists, “Some couples arrive late to therapy and finally decide to break off the relationship.”says Vanesa Hernández. “The success of therapy lies in the involvement of both parties and in both members of the couple being aware that there is a problem and that they both want to do something about it.”
“Sometimes there is couples who come to therapy as a last attempt to save the relationship and there it is very complicated because they have been having problems for a long time, even years,” says Camino Rodríguez.
“In most cases it is the couple themselves who resolves their difficulties and this is the ideal situation, but When something stagnates or gets stuck, maybe a look from another person can help and point out alternatives that are useful,” points out Roberto Antón Santiago.
In the event that it does not work, “couples therapy also serves to carry out a healthy separation, especially if there are children. Contrary to what you may think, it is a very liberating process for both parties, which allows them to close this stage of their lives free of open wounds and resentments,” says Vanesa Hernández. Here, Roberto Antón highlights that “it is interesting to support couples in this type of situation, because after the emotional breakup it is difficult to continue having contact, and children should be avoided as throwing weapons when the conflict, if it exists. , should be settled between adults.”