by If you have been following me for a long time, you will already know that I am an unrepentant Eurofan and that I have been following Eurovision since I was little. (Almost, almost since the festival started). In fact, I’m looking forward to Croatia winning.not only because I like the song but because if Croatia wins it will be much easier to go next year to see Eurovision live than if Switzerland wins, because it makes it considerably cheaper.
And Eurovision has given me two very good examples of how to deal with a toxic relationship. Bambie Thug’s and Megara’s.
TO Bambie Thug, the Irish representative, she hasn’t thought of anything better than to make a song that actually It is a spell performed live to cause harm to your ex. Theatrically the thing is spectacular, but the message it transmits is a bit questionable. If you believe in witchcraft, no good witch is going to recommend that you do spells to curse your ex, because, leaving moral issues aside, the problem is that, if the ex has more psychic strength than you, the spell It’s going to bounce back. But it is also not a good idea to perform the spell in a place where there are fifteen thousand people, because who knows what energies you are going to use. And much less in a situation in which it is expected that there will be many angry people (because they do not agree with Israel participating in Eurovision), and therefore you will connect with many negative energies.
If you don’t believe in energy or witchcraft, then let’s get down to business. Casting spells on an ex means placing all of her mental focus on him (or her) and his destruction, and not on you and his recovery. It means mentally linking yourself to her ex, constantly thinking about him or her, and not thinking about yourself. So you will never get out of that mental framework. No one can stop suffering when they are constantly ruminating on their resentment and suffering.
When people write to me and start their letter with the words “my ex is a narcissistic psychopath,” I already know that things are going to go wrong, because that person is focusing on another person and is not looking into their own problem. Ok, your ex may really be a psychopath and/or a narcissist, but those types of people send red flags from the beginning of the relationship and if you have decided to stay there it is probably because you act from some type of limiting belief or pattern. relational lack of affection that unconsciously leads you to seek that type of relationship. It is more than possible that in some way you are unconsciously recreating something that already happened to you in childhood. The way to raise the issue would be to start the letter by saying “I can’t get over what happened to me with my ex.” From the self. Without giving the leading role to him or her.
No person can change their ex, not with spells, not with love, not with anything. The ex will change if he wants to change. All we can each do is change ourselves and decide to transform the pain into something else.
The example of Megarahowever, is the opposite. Megara’s song speaks of improvement. In principle, that song is about how certain segments of the public metal rock Spanish attacked Megara and how they decided to move forward despite all the criticism. But you can also understand the lyrics in the sense that someone is listening to negative comments from whoever (their ex, their family, their environment…) and decides that those comments “are worth it”, that they are going to move forward against all odds. tide.
Megara’s own story is a very inspiring story of improvement. Megara wanted to go to Eurovision of all people, all of them. They are presented for the first time Benidorm Festival (the contest that selects the representative song from Spain for Eurovision) with the song “Arcadia” and they fail to win. They show up the following year a second time and are not even admitted to participate. They decide to appear at the festival that selects the candidates in San Marino, A voice for San Marino. They are not selected in the semifinals and yet they are rescued in the play-offs. Against all odds, and amid accusations of nonsense from an audience that was devoted to the Italian Loredana Berté, they win the festival. Nothing is supposed to be guaranteed because San Marino never makes it to the Eurovision final. But in rehearsals Megara has given such an incredible performance that the press is rumoring that it is very likely that they will reach the final. (We’ll find out tonight, what nerves). If this is not a story of overcoming, let God come and see it.
But what do we really understand by a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is one that constantly undermines your sense of well-being, happiness, and sometimes security. And we’re not just talking about a romantic love relationship. It may be a relationship with one or more family members, with a friend, or a work relationship. Or a relationship with people from the environment in which you move, as happened to Megara.
Occasional disagreements or conflicts are normal in any relationship, but an ongoing pattern of emotional damage, disrespect, and manipulation can lead to a decline in mental and emotional health.
These are the characteristics of a toxic relationship:
1. Lack of support: Instead of feeling uplifted and encouraged, interactions with that person or those people often leave you feeling belittled, inadequate, or sabotaged.
2. Unhappiness persistent: The relationship is plagued by constant tensions, arguments, or feelings of dissatisfaction.
3. Communication failures: Communication often degenerates into insults, accusations, or complete silence, leaving problems unresolved and feelings unheard.
4. Control and dominion: a person tries to impose who the other can see, what they can do, or how they should think and feel. This control is an important warning sign of a toxic dynamic.
5. Negligence and manipulation: Emotional needs are constantly ignored and manipulation often keeps the victim in a state of feeling inadequate or guilty.
6. Deterioration in your health: Staying in a toxic relationship can have profound effects on your mental, emotional, and sometimes physical health. It can cause a rise in anxiety and depression and a lower sense of self-esteem.
Constant stress and negativity can cause symptoms such as insomnia, changes in appetite or chronic health problems, created by a failure in the autoimmune system that becomes imbalanced from the hormone cortisol, which is what we secrete when we are in a state of stress.
7. Constant lack of respect: If you often feel disrespected, whether through words, actions, or disregard for your boundaries and feelings, it’s a clear sign that it’s not a healthy relationship. Disrespect can include public humiliation, private belittlement, or simply the continued disregard of your wants and needs.
8. Unmet needs: While no relationship can meet every need, consistent unmet emotional, physical, or psychological needs, such as a lack of emotional support, intimacy, or mutual respect, are a sign of toxicity.
9. Blame: In toxic relationships, one partner in the equation may always be blamed, regardless of the situation. This can lead to a distorted sense of self and responsibility for things beyond your control. Because the victim feels guilty, she places herself in a situation of submission in which she does not demand that her needs and rights be respected.
10. Isolation: Isolation is a powerful tool in toxic relationships. It may start subtly, but it can eventually lead to you being isolated from your support network, making you less likely to seek help or leave the relationship, because you find yourself with no resources to leave and no place to retreat. .
eleven. Self-esteem diminished: An important sign of a toxic relationship can be a noticeable decrease in self-esteem. If you feel worthless, doubt your abilities, or believe you don’t deserve better treatment, it is often due to negative, critical, or dismissive behavior from your partner, your family, your boss, or your environment.
Perhaps you have recognized in all these characteristics the type of relationship that we maintain with our politicians and that politicians maintain among themselves Yeah. Constant lack of respect, stress that we feel when we have been talking about politics for a while, manipulation, failures in communication, control and dominance, isolation (cancellation campaigns and the creation of gaps and walls between people…). Yeah, many Spanish politicians are intensely toxicand of course the confrontational way in which Spanish politics is presented is clearly and unquestionably toxic.
Toxic relationships can cause isolation, making it harder to seek help when you need it most.
In a healthy relationship (of any kind), you should feel safe, both physically and emotionally. If you find yourself constantly nervous, anxious about how the other person will react, or worried about not arousing their anger, it is a clear sign that the relationship is not a safe space for you.
In any type of toxic relationship, it is important to focus on your health and well-being. Consequently, If you are dealing with someone who drains your energy and happiness, consider cutting them out of your life or at least limiting the time you spend with them.. And, if you are experiencing physical or emotional abuse, seek help immediately. Don’t become obsessed with destroying your ex or anyone who has hurt you like Bambie Thug does, focus your energy on finding new ways to pursue your goal like Megara has done.
This afternoon at 7:30 p.m., at the Zigia space (28 Zigia street) in Madrid, I am going to give a talk on toxic relationships based on the content of the book ‘The writing that heals’ (by the way, you already know that how The first edition is sold out, it is very difficult to find the book, but it is on Amazon).
