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Cristina has been living with her partner for 14 years. They are not married and when it comes to sharing household expenses, they try to be equitable and adapt to the purchasing power of each party. Except for the rent, which they have always covered equally, their contribution to the rest of the payments has varied depending on their economic situation. “Throughout these years I have been changing jobs and, therefore, salaries,” she tells elDiario.es. “In the seasons in which I have earned less than him, we decided that it could not be a 50/50 split, so we adjusted more or less proportionally.” Now they have very similar salaries, so they pay half for everything. They do not have a joint account to avoid maintenance fees and are organized with direct debits of receipts, bizums or transfers. Each one can enter the other’s account, so that both can control the movements that have been made. “Although it may seem complicated, we have never had any problems or arguments about money, that’s how it works for us and everyone is responsible for their own expenses and we share the common expenses,” he says.
It may have been most common for those known as generation According to data from a survey carried out in the United States and collected by The Guardian: “43% of Generation Zeta and 31% of millennials They prefer to keep all their accounts separate. In older generations – where shared expenses such as school activities and mortgages are more common – the figures were below 20%.”
The way of organizing has diversified because living conditions have also diversified. A couple can live together without being married in a rental apartment, reside in an apartment that is only owned by one of the members, have children in common or from other relationships, disparate salaries or ideas about what or how to save. Furthermore, the high numbers of divorces in the Western world (50% of marriages break up after 25 years) indicate that thinking about a ‘lifelong’ partner may not be the most practical method when it comes to organizing relationships. finance.
The case of the non-shared mortgage is one of the most notable points of conflict. A few weeks ago, the user of @malacamarada made a publication referring to the topic that received more than 120 responses and generated more than 250 retweets: “The debate is beginning to open that if you are paying a mortgage and your partner moves to live with you, if it is fair that he not pay half of the mortgage even if it is not in the deeds. Because, apparently, it is unfair ‘that he lives for free’. Why is it unfair to live for free?” The exchange of opinions is angry – as is almost always in this social network – and serves as a sample – limited, of course – of what part of society thinks.
Victoria is one of those people who lives in her partner’s house, who is paying the mortgage alone. “He charges double (I have a good salary) and I pay him a flat price of half the mortgage + expenses + half a parking space for the motorcycle. In reality, it would add much more because the mortgage is variable but I would still have to pay for a place to live and he would have to pay for a mortgage. It is not for rent nor do I live off his alms, but it is a lower price than the market reality,” she explains.
They operate under the logic that, in the event of separation, he would be the one to keep everything so the expenses related to the house are his responsibility. “Now the apartment next door has been bought. In the future he could bring them together, so he bought it alone because it would make no sense for me to have a quarter of a common apartment or half of a 30m² apartment wall to wall from his if we separated,” he explains. Victoria has also not participated in major money outlays related to the home, such as repairs or the purchase of appliances. “The level of the things he wants also influences this, such as, for example, a more expensive refrigerator and its amortization,” she points out.
For her, it is important to highlight that all these decisions can be made “from the privilege” that neither of them needs to live accompanied. “I would be worse off if I had to pay 1,200 euros for rent alone vs. the 600 euros I pay my partner now with expenses, but with a salary of 3,000 euros it is acceptable. And I also know that, if I needed it, he would let me live for free,” she says. She only imagines a conflict if she decides to purchase a home for herself: “It’s something I’ve ‘postponed’. If that does not happen, my reflection is that I would still be paying rent and, if [la relación] It is for life, when the mortgage is paid I will be living for free because I am not paying him the market cost either and he would not get money from there.”
When Joana and her ex faced an important expense, such as a trip or the purchase of furniture, the split was 40% her and 60% him because she earned less: ‘It went a little wrong for me, some things we bought for the house they stayed there
Joana’s previous boyfriend was also paying the mortgage on the house in which they lived. Depending on the month, he earned three or four times as much as her, so although Joana contributed rent with which they paid for household expenses, when they went out, he took care of her account. “We were very given to that, so he used to pay for it and I was a guest. It seemed pretty fair to me given the difference in salary. It was like a tacit, unwritten agreement: he always invited me, I always let myself be invited,” she says. When they faced an important expense such as a trip or the purchase of furniture, the split was 40% her and 60% him. “That was a pact we reached by talking. It went a little wrong for me there, because some of the things we bought for the house stayed there when we separated,” she remembers with a laugh. “But we never had a bad feeling about it. In fact, I was the one who insisted on clearing up the accounts. I don’t want the issue of money to ever be blackmail, just because you pay me won’t give you more rights.”
Antonio has a daughter with his partner and they are about to have another. A year ago they bought a house together, but the contribution of money has been unequal for the moment: she had savings so she put them in to make the down payment and now he is the one who pays the mortgage in addition to a loan they requested. She still doesn’t know how those payments will be distributed when he reaches the amount she advanced, perhaps going halfway like they do now with the rest of the expenses. “We have a common account in which we try to put 300 or 400 euros each for the girl’s expenses and supplies and then we have our own accounts. We always fall short, we arrive in the middle of the month and we have already spent it all. So, either we pay things on our own and then we balance it out or we both make income again,” she explains.
Susana also has a shared account with her partner in which they both contribute the same money each month and if it runs out, as Antonio says, they add more. They have two daughters together and, although she has a higher salary, she is now on reduced hours so she earns less so the distribution of expenses is more or less equitable. If they have any specific extra expenses such as a car repair or vacation, they alternate. “In order for them not to charge me a commission I had to direct deposit three bills into my account so the internet, electricity and water are passed on to me. Then I do the math and we balance,” she specifies. There have been exceptional moments in which only one salary came into the house and it was divided between the two. “We have had various leaves of absence for the girls and of course, you don’t get paid a penny. So if I was the one on leave, he gave me half of his salary and vice versa. Now we want to open a common account to save a little,” she explains.
We have a common account in which we try to put 300 or 400 euros each for the girl’s expenses and supplies and then we have our own accounts. We always fall short, we arrive in the middle of the month and we have already spent it all
Financial conflicts
Rosario has just separated but shared a rental apartment with her partner for six years. During that time they were half-hearted with fixed expenses and then left “a little room for improvisation with the issue of going out or even with shopping. At first I earned a lot less, so he was the one who invited me more to eat out and things like that. Then it was the other way around and that was expected of me a little too,” she explains. Although they worked that way, she considers herself “a little square” and she believes that it is better “to go proportionally, each according to her capabilities for fixed expenses or purchases.” But what caused a real conflict for her was the issue of savings, because she thought that they were both saving money at the same time for future projects but that was not the case. “In recent times it felt quite bad for me that he asked me to invite him to things when I was saving for a common project in which he was not investing a penny, not that it was a grab,” she declares.
Elena Crespo Lorenzo, family lawyer and founder of the Crespo Law firm in Barcelona, explains that the main reason for the couple’s financial discomfort is caused by a lack of communication. “Economic issues are not addressed for fear of losing that person, not to bother or generate conflict, and they endure until one day they explode. In the end, one of the causes of divorce is economic issues that have not been addressed,” she says. Not knowing how much money the other party earns is very common and can lead to what is known as financial infidelity. “It is hiding expenses and income from your partner. For example, receiving a bonus or extra and keeping it without saying anything. That generates a lot of discomfort,” explains Crespo.
They do not approach each other for fear of losing that person, so as not to bother or generate conflict, and they endure until one day they explode. In the end, one of the causes of divorce is economic issues that have not been addressed.
When the salary difference is very pronounced and expenses are shared in half, the person who earns less money sees their savings capacity diminished, another reason for conflict. “I find many cases where each person has their own personal account and then a common account for expenses. The ideal would be that if they earn the same it would be 50% and if not, that a proportion be made so that both can save a little,” she says. Her advice as an expert is to be honest about the accounts, know what the income of each party is and reach consensus on payments consciously. “To build a couple, the economy comes into play; you need money to buy a house, furniture, or raise children if you have them. It is a very strong investment on an emotional and economic level and you have to have a lot of transparency,” she concludes.
