by If you are looking for well-being and happiness to come into your life, you should not worry about having failed in what your 20-year-old self thought would happen on your birthday.
It is common for us to consider the future at the age of 20. A Carrie Bradshaw style job. A house with a dog and four cats. Two children, Alicia and Héctor. A good husband, because getting married is cool. Now, past 30 years old, I look at that girl and wonder who she was. Because she thought that well-being had to go hand in hand with capitalism?
At 20 we thought that at 30 we should have the house, the partner and the job resolved. AND The reality at 30 is that we should have other things resolved to achieve that well-being that we strive so hard to achieve. And if you haven’t gotten one yet, don’t worry, you still have plenty of time to get going.
Know how to say “no”
My best friend and I met at work, but we became friends when we discovered that we both had a hard time saying no. That thought of saying no because I simply don’t want to make a plan was something neither of us felt capable of. “She’s selfish,” my brain thought. But thirty has given me enough knowledge to know what to put yourself ahead of and Having your needs be the first on the list is not selfishness, it is mental health.
“The only way to be successful is to learn to say no.” These are the words of Bruce Tulgan, a leadership expert who created Rainmaker Thinking, but it is not only key for your work. It is key to your life and all relationships. So much so that it should be taught in school. If you still don’t know Say “no” assertively, with confidence and without guilt, I leave you here three tricks to achieve it.
Stop thinking that everything depends on you
We are entering swampy territory because I am going to talk about this whole message in which Mr. Wonderful blames you if you don’t achieve what you set out to do. However, knowing that there are limiting facts that do not depend on you is reassuring and helps us focus on what we can change and stop getting frustrated by everything that does not depend on us. “At 20 I was not aware of all the factors external to me that limited me,” he says. Maria Yuste.
It is not letting life pass because we have no impact on it, but change the idea that everything depends on us for a more realistic vision that will prevent us from getting frustrated. It is positivism well understood and far from toxic positivism that assures that “you can do everything””.
Learn to let go
In the same way, letting go of what is not good for us makes us happier. Think about a narcissistic, toxic partner who has you as another complement in their life. Letting go of that relationship and letting it walk away from your life is an ode to self-love with results you can’t even imagine. And it is also applicable to friends, family and anyone who is a emotional vampire. If that relationship doesn’t bring you happiness, learn to let go of it.
Embrace the tranquility
Iria assures that “even if you have the things that you thought you wanted to have at a certain age, you never feel that you have achieved what you wanted. I am married, I have a child, I have a house, I have a responsible job, everything I saw myself having in life and, yet, I don’t feel like I have achieved the life I wanted. There is always something more. Expectations change and add up and we end up wanting things that are unattainable for many reasons.”. It is the fault of capitalism that makes us always want more, however over the years you will discover that you want a quiet life. Stop running a race in which the finish line is moving all the time
For example, spending Sunday in bed, reading, lying down, hugging your pet or your partner. Without further ado. They sell us that plan as a terrible one in which we do nothing because Productivity follows us like a serial killer ready to kill us if we stay still.. Nothing is further from reality. Doing nothing is good for our creativity and our mental health, science says so.
Stop thinking that having a partner is essential to be happy
Yuste assures us that at 20 he thought that happiness was connecting with others, having a partner. “Now my dog has taught me what true love is,” she says. Cristina Sobrino He always thought that the pattern that would make him happy would be to end up with his lifelong partner.. “Now I am a little open to everything, when perhaps the logical thing would have been the other way around: to see everything with greater breadth of vision at 20 and more closed at 30.”
As the years go by and we accumulate different types of relationships, we realize that We only need a few people in our lives to be truly happy, as Harvard University explained. And they don’t have to be couples. As Pepa explained to us, “I have the most amazing friends and I have invested more time, love and vital weight in them than in couples like I did when I was 20.”
try to get to know you
We tend to think that we know each other. In my case I thought at 20 I thought I knew myself inside out. Now I’m getting dangerously close to 40 and I’m glad to know that I don’t know myself completely. This work of self-knowledge and self-awareness is daily and small, but thinking that we know what we are like prevents us from change, something normal with the passage of time and also highly recommended. This is one of the most complicated to carry out, but not impossible, and we can cultivate that self-awareness with the help of journalingFor example.
“Now is when I am most sure of myself because I have become aware of myself and value myself more. There is still a lot to go and I have moments, but 20-year-old Cristina, I think she would be proud of everything I have achieved in that sense,” says Cristina, who is the living example of how knowing ourselves improves our self-esteem.
Knowing how to let go of what you do not control
In reference to the above, the psychologist and director of Trendencias, Iria Reguerastates that it is one of the things that he has solved and that has changed his life the most for the better: “You can’t control everything, and that’s okay.”. In fact this is one of the golden rules to achieve Japanese Ikagaia philosophy that pursues emotional well-being to add years of life.
“It always gave me great peace of mind to think that my life was very guided, very focused, at that age,” said Cristina. But in a crazy turn of events she has realized that she has learned to live with uncertainty. “Although it’s not that I’m like a fish in water, but I also like not to have everything overwhelmed. I’m excited to see what twists in the script are being unraveled,” she explains.
Letting go of everything that we cannot control means reducing the number of worries and allows us to focus on what can be modified by ourselves. It’s reassuring. For example, I can’t control what others think of me, but it is in my control. live every day according to my values, which makes me more authentic and therefore happier.
Know how to set limits
My 20’s self would say “limits? What is that?” Pepa López assures that she “did not even know that the concept of setting limits existed. “I was raised to always be lenient with everyone and to always put yourself last for the good of others.” Now everything has changed. Setting limits helps us give ourselves the place we deserve, increases our self-esteem and helps us not go through things we don’t want to go through..
Cristina assures that she has always been a person who has not put herself as a priority and when she was younger, even less so. “Now, with a lot of work, she has led me to know myself better,” and yes, to set limits to respect what makes us uncomfortable.
Escape from workcentrism
They have sold us that success is in working, but true success is in living. A friend told me that at 20 she was the most corporate person in the world. She preached that you had to be on top of the company, pitch in. How can you not collaborate in all the activities? Yes, they are great… And now that friend thinks that life is much more than work and she enjoys the life she has more outside of the eight-hour day.
Have a favorite series
It could be a series, a movie, a book… What I want to tell you is that you need a “safe space” in which to feel good even if things go wrong. Something that makes you feel comfortable and that you can go to at any time.
We like that platforms like Netflix add films and series to their catalog that transport us to adolescence and friendship. because our memory is key to having a pleasant life thanks to the memories. But also, this type of comfortable content, which represents for many of us a happy place to go to, is a wonderful tool to disconnect. Think about which one is yours and you can go to it whenever you want.
Take care of yourself for your future and not so that others see you well
The female Roman Empire is the weight, but when we learn that food serves as sustenance and to live all those wonderful things that we live, the film changes. Leading a healthy life is good for you, and for your future self, but from the awareness that we eat to take care of our health and not so that others can see how great we are.
The same goes for sports. Cristina assures that “physically, I am much happier now, but not because of what is obvious or not, but because I finally think I have found a point of balance in which I truly enjoy what I do, the sport that I do. I do, and I see results.” That is to say, We take care of ourselves to be well for ourselves, regardless of the rest.
It is a long process and in which psychological help is a great ally, but it is achieved because as Yuste says, “I think that we all feel better with each passing year.” And that’s what it’s about, feeling better.
Find where you are really happy
Leaving the city and living in nature is one of the best decisions Pepa has made in her life. She imagined that he would always live in the center of Madrid, in an apartment near the metro and with all the hustle and bustle of the city. Now she has realized how happy she is in Fuerteventura, surrounded by nature and enjoying large spaces.
We tend to think that the place where we grew up will be our home forever, But a silly trip may discover that your true happiness is by the sea, in the middle of a mountain or in Thailand, who knows. Think about how you feel where you are now and whether it is not where you would like to be. You already have a purpose to pursue in life.
Have self-care routines
Yes, we have added self-care and we do it in all its forms. From taking care of our skin to learning to rest because at 20 sleeping 4 hours was viable and cool, but at 30 not sleeping 8 hours is not feasible.
And not only self-care such as body care, also improving our care is do things we like, whatever they are. In my case it is ceramics, but in yours it can be anything that makes you feel good and with which you can learn something new every time you practice it for keep your brain in shape.
Know that your tastes do not make you less cool
“Accepting that I don’t like going out until six in the morning and that that doesn’t make me less cool has been an achievement,” says Yuste. Any activity that brings you joy, no matter how small and superficial the activity may seem, is worth every minute you dedicate to it and is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s himor what some call “girl hobbies” and what we like to call freedom of expression.
Even if you feel like you don’t have the life you expected, stop and think carefully about all the good things you have every day. Even if you feel like you have failed in some things, you have time to put into practice all the advice we have given you, which I assure you will positively affect your well-being. Thirty-year-old word.
Photos | Eat Pray Love
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