by Connecting with other people is something that, to a greater or lesser extent, we all seek at some point. Romantic relationships play a fundamental role in our lives but it is not always easy to manage them, achieve effective communication and avoid falling into toxic dynamics. Every time … More authors, relationship experts, psychologists and couples therapists publish books that provide tools to understand, care for and improve our relationships or, at the very least, suffer less. From practical advice for dating, hookups and breakups to reflections on new ways of relating, these books – most of them new and a classic – explore different aspects of the complex world of sexual-affective interactions.
Warnings on the winding path of love
Nick Viall offers in ‘Don’t write to your ex and other tips about love, dating and flirting’ (Editorial Diana) a practical guide to the complexities of falling in love and those first encounters. Emphasizing that destiny does not determine everything in love, he emphasizes the importance of choosing carefully (using rationality) our partners and effectively communicating our needs and priorities.
This work attempts to resolve common doubts, such as identifying warning signs (now called red flags) and deciding whether a relationship can evolve or will be frustrated prematurely. Without judging the various perspectives on this matter, the author encourages sincerity and self-knowledge, guiding readers to define what they are really looking for to feel satisfied. With a confident and non-judgmental tone, he offers advice on how to enjoy the present, recognize love bombing for narcissistic purposes, and take control to build the desired relationship and make conscious decisions. Above all, in the meantime, don’t write to your ex whatever!
‘Liquid Love’ by Zygmunt Bauman dissects the fear of establishing lasting relationships
Take responsibility for our decisions
Little is said about the essential personal responsibility, how necessary it is to take charge of our own actions and words. ‘Let it be good love: Why emotional responsibility is key in your relationships’ (ed. Zenith) is the book in which Marta Martínez Novoa explains the problems that come with the lack of emotional responsibility in our encounters and disagreements. And it affects how certain toxic behaviors, as well as the absence of communication and ethics, can negatively affect the people with whom we interact.
Martínez Novoa highlights the importance of recognizing the signs of one’s own and others’ emotional irresponsibility while offering keys to escape harmful relationships, minimizing the impact on self-esteem. The author, a specialist in relationships, reminds us of the need to seek more sincere and happy bonds, claiming the right to receive and give genuine and positive love. Along the same lines, Albert Ellis presents ‘How not to spoil your relationships’ (Editorial Paidós), an informative manual based on Rational-Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) to maintain healthy and lasting relationships.
Aimed at various people and types of relationships, this work offers simple and effective strategies to learn how to build solid and lasting loves. Ellis not only addresses intimate relationships, but also provides resources for improving connections with friends, children, and in-laws. With wisdom and humor, the renowned therapist guides readers toward a full and loving life, giving them tools to avoid failure: from organizing thoughts to improving communication and solving problems as a couple, including sexual life and coexistence.
Couples fleeing the myths of romantic love
‘Contigo’, by Mamen Jiménez, (Lunwerg Editores) is a complete guide on how to maintain a healthy and stable relationship without falling into the myths of romantic love. Through questions and concerns that affect us all, the psychologist and couples therapy expert examines topics such as lack of understanding, conflict management, infidelities and the desire to always want more or everything at once, a very common mania today.
It also proposes strategies to work on attachment and demystify romantic expectations. With a practical approach, the book shows that it is possible to have a healthy relationship, full of affection and mutual care.
Philosopher Tamara Tenenbaum suggests that we are in the process of evolving towards a freer feeling
Transform losses into opportunities
If saving the relationship is not possible, you have to know how to make a virtue of necessity. ‘Lose yourself to find me’, by Elizabeth Clapés (Ed. Montena), faces the process of coping with a breakup and turning it into an opportunity for self-knowledge and personal growth.
To this end, the psychologist provides tricks to face the end of a relationship, manage grief, overcome guilt and cultivate self-love. She speaks to those who have tried to save a relationship without success, have recently left them, feel they need to change their current situation, or are facing a toxic relationship. She gives them practical advice on enjoying solitude, setting boundaries, and rediscovering yourself.
The power of self-knowledge and self-care
In this sense, ‘I love you, I love you’, by María Esclapez (Bruguera), can contribute a lot. It says “I love myself first” and gives clues to identify and set limits on toxic relationships. The clinical psychologist and couples therapist shares her personal and professional experience to help readers recognize harmful situations and strengthen their self-esteem.
Through practical exercises, anecdotes and analysis of conversations, the author focuses on self-care. She highlights the importance of loving and valuing yourself, first as an individual and then, if ever, as part of a couple.
Empty romances and smoke bombs in the digital age
The author of this article has also written ‘Idealized you are more handsome’ (Librofónica), a novel that combines poetry and music to portray today’s superficial relationships. A ‘liquid love’, as Zygmunt Bauman would say, marked by interactions that fill voids through social networks, the fear of commitment and the consequent platonism that allows one to feel emotions without physically getting involved in order to feel safe from suffering. To understand it well, a classic is recommended, ‘Liquid Love. About the fragility of human bonds’, by the aforementioned Bauman, an essential book to contextualize why so many relationships go to waste without ever coming to fruition.
The insightful analysis of the philosopher, sociologist and essayist helps to understand why so many people feel used and undervalued after empty relationships and emotionally irresponsible behaviors such as smoke bombs, leaving on the bench, putting in reserve in case they leave you with your partner , disappearing and reappearing when they get bored, throwing breadcrumbs, dragging their feet, wandering around without much interest other than getting dizzy, giving signals on social networks to remember their existence… All of this can be understood by reading ‘Liquid Love’, the work where the gaze of this A great thinker about society in the globalized world, he focuses on ephemeral romances.
Bauman dissects the fear of establishing lasting relationships in a context of superfluous connections. He explores solidarity conditioned by selfish benefits, love of neighbor as the foundation of civilized life, and projects that threaten to “dehumanize” us all. The good news is that, although he exposes the injustices and anxieties of modernity, he maintains some hope in the human capacity to overcome the challenges of liquid society.
More light at the end of the relationship tunnel
Another halo of hope is given to us by Emma Trilles in ‘All stories end up talking about love’, with illustrations by Antonio Valenzuela. The book involves you in the day-to-day life of a psychology consultation through eight stories based on real events full of learning and improvement. With close and emotional prose, the expert leads the reader through encounters and disagreements, loves and heartbreaks, and makes them reflect. Each story will make you feel identified and will help you to be more tolerant of others, to see life from different points of view and to understand the reasons behind certain other people’s behaviors. An informative work by Batidora Ediciones overflowing with color and feelings to emotionally manage something that happens to all of us in life.
In ‘The End of Love: Loving and Fucking in the 21st Century’ (Seix Barral), Tamara Tenenbaum, an Argentinian of Jewish origin, challenges the conventions of romantic love and examines how we understand this feeling today based on her own experience. her Philosophy studies and her feminist activism. She explores topics such as friendship, singleness, flirting in the time of Tinder, consent, motherhood and new forms of relationships such as polyamory and open couples. And her book suggests that the end of the concept of love as it has been understood until now can lead to a freer and more liberating feeling.
