by When a couple disappears without a trace or explanationcan be a devastating experience that leaves the other person confused and wondering what went wrong. Cecilia Alegríaknown as Dr. Amor, has dedicated her career to helping people deal with difficult emotional situations like this.
“Who hasn’t had it happen that a ghost appears in their life and then disappears and vanishes, the earth swallows it up and one says ‘what did I do to deserve this?'” said Cecilia in La Mesa Caliente, beginning to address the issue of ghosting.
According to Dr. Amor, the ghosting It is a strategy most often seen in relationships that are in their early stages.
It usually occurs in relationships that have just begun and there may be several factors. Many more gentlemen practice ‘ghosting’ than ladies, they are the ones who use the strategy. Since this occurs in the initial stage, it is a way of saying ‘bye’.”
Cecilia Alegría
How to get over a breakup
Sometimes love doesn’t last forever. Although at the beginning of a relationship everything is happiness, over time Things can deteriorate until the couple breaks up.
“There are many and varied reasons why a relationship can end, but after years of clinical practice I see that the problems underlying couples are quite common. I would dare to say that one of the most frequent has to do with communication,” he points out Lucia Feito Crespopsychologist specializing in family and couples therapy at the Cláritas Psychological Institute.
Communication, key to avoiding a breakup
“Communication is essential so that the couple can resolve the different conflicts and disagreements that occur in all relationships. If we do not take care of communication or are able to develop strategies that help us reach agreements, we will enter into dynamics such as imposing our criteria, intense discussions that generate a lot of suffering or indifference and everything happens. In short, dynamics that usually lead to separation,” he emphasizes.
The psychologist indicates that, in addition to communication, Other common problems are sexual problems, jealousy, possessiveness, lack of emotional support, deception and infidelity. and the need to maintain one’s own personal space apart from the couple.
However, regardless of the problem that led to the breakup, it is important to deal with this new reality appropriately.
“A separation is a very complicated process that, if not managed well, can lead to years of suffering.”
Lucia Feito Crespo
“Generally, this process usually entails stress, altered sleep, appetite, feelings of loneliness, feelings of guilt, isolation, and even anxiety or depression disorders,” he adds.
Breakup of a couple: preparing a duel
In order to overcome the situation, Lucía Feito explains that, first of all, We must be aware that we have to mourn the breakup of a couple.
The psychologist affirms that, although it may sound cliché, Time heals everything and this is a process in which you have to allow yourself to go slowly.be vulnerable and accept help from others to feel better.
The next step is to identify and manage the emotions that may arise.
“Many times we force ourselves to be well or we do not allow ourselves to feel. We flee from ourselves and this does not allow us to grieve,” he considers.
“We must allow all emotions to appear, some pleasant and some unpleasant., but they are all part of us and what is happening to us. Denying them will only make them appear with more intensity and we will stay hooked on this process for longer, which will prevent us from moving forward,” he details.
He also insists on the need to say goodbye to the other party.
“We have decided to take different paths so it is important to let the other person go. Many times I see that my patients get hooked on each other through anger and conflict and this is not healthy. Nor is it feeling that we need the other and that we are incapable of living our lives apart.“, he says.
Neither anger nor idealization
“The only ones we need are ourselves, so, neither from idealization nor from anger, we should remain tied to the other person,” he defends.
“Just as we should not remain hooked on others through emotions of anger or admiration, We don’t have to do it from a cognitive level either.: entering loops of obsessive thoughts, looking for whys, solutions or analyzing scenes,” he maintains.
“This has already happened and now we must invest our time and energy in adapting to the new challenge before us, activating ourselves, exercising, setting new goals, sharing time with friends, family and people who make us feel good,” he advises.
“It is of no use to us to stay on our couch thinking about a past scenario or regretting what could have been and was not,” the psychologist proposes.
“It is important that we take care of ourselves and invest energy in planning activities or meetings with people who make us feel good or that we miss. We have been left with a void and we must activate ourselves to fill it in a healthy way and not allow ourselves to be overcome by apathy and sadness,” he emphasizes.
The specialist insists on not idealizing the other and to think that, without that person, nothing makes sense anymore and we alone will never be happy.
Another bad idea is to continue sharing spaces and life with your ex-partner. Likewise, Feito indicates that You have to be able to show yourself vulnerable in the face of the loss of love.
However, “if time passes and we are not able to feel better, we are overwhelmed, we do not know how to manage it or where to start with this new scenario, it is advisable to ask a professional for help,” he recommends.
The length of time each person needs to get back on their feet after a breakup varies, as each story is different.
Signs that tell us that we have overcome the separation
Lucía Feito explains what the signs that indicate that the separation is being overcome.
First of all, “when we begin to feel good about ourselves, we leave insecurity and reproaches behind and we see ourselves capable of facing new situations or even new problems,” he comments.
Likewise, we can know that we are overcoming it”When memories no longer invade us, we stop thinking about our relationship and get excited about the future and the new things to come. At the same time, we stop paying attention to the other person, searching for them on social networks and worrying about how he or she handles this new stage. That is, when the connections we had begin to disappear,” she points out.
Another sign that we are moving along the path of recovery from the breakup is “enjoy the plans again, meet new people, etc We feel that we have taken hold of a new life and are building our future again,” he says.
Finally, the psychologist from the Cláritas Institute emphasizes that we are overcoming it “when we are receptive to having new relationships and are no longer prisoners of pain but that we feel good on our own, we are comfortable and we can visualize ourselves sharing our life with someone again.
(With information from EFE)
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